Arsenal Enter Dragons Den

Depending on where you read the quotes, Bernie Ecclestone either “refuses to dispel takeover rumours” or he “plays down interest”. What all this reminds me of is the BBC show Dragons Den. These billionaires are lining up to try and convince the Arsenal board that they are the man that they should trust the club’s future to. You can just imagine the moustachioed Kroenke standing there sweating slightly, moisture collecting on his beautifully trimmed lip rug, wringing his hands as Edleman and Hill-Wood sit there grilling him;

“So Stan, you have shown us that you have a successful record in sporting businesses. It makes for quite an impressive CV. I see you have managed to make plenty of cash from a third rate MLS team. Kudos. But what can we expect you to bring to the traditional English game of Association Football that brings so much joy to millions of people in this country“?

“Cheerleaders”?

“Er, no Stan. We were thinking more of a progression of the project that brought us the new stadium and has seen us invest heavily in our academy and youth teams”

“Oh gees. My bad. OK, I have my business partner here. David, would you come in please? I know, but the sun bed will still be there when we’ve done”

“Get out”

As it transpires, Ecclestone is also buddies with DD (his daughter is shagging Gavin Dein) so we can expect a similar sales pitch from him when he enters the den. Except he’ll be standing on a milk crate or something.

All this takeover talk is really starting to irritate me. Like itching powder on my scrotum. When you consider that Arsenal are one of the most profitable clubs in Europe, you have to wonder what the need is to actually take one of these jokers on board. It’s not like we’re Leeds. Even with their mafia money, Chelsea operate at a loss. And they haven’t just built an ass kicking new stadium. It will take someone special, someone with class and a vision, to impress the board enough for them to welcome a takeover bid. Someone like Duncan Ballantyne. Oh yes.

There’s a story kicking round on Setanta’s site about Jean II Makoun claiming there was interest from Arsenal, Barca and Man U in him, but he elected to stay at Lille. Yeah.  Sure. I encourage you all to go and read it because it is clearly written by an untrained monkey and is therefore probably cobblers or nicked from some blog.

Which brings me neatly to Arsenal Shorts, who taught us all a lesson in the nature of transfer rumours. I was suckered by it. And so were Sky – which is good – and through them so were many, many others. Good work Arsenal Shorts-writing-and-hoaxing fella!

Hilariously, Julio Baptista might be making a return to the Premiership with Newcastle. If this is true (and what with everything going on it might well not be) then surely it confirms all the suspicions we all had about The Walrus. I mean, did he not see him play? I did, and it made me want to tear out my own eyes and poo my brain out of my ears.

The “Freddie Is Off” rumours are ciculating again. This time it’s West Ham in the frame. Is it me, or are all the clubs he’s being linked with in this country shit? Its sad that his decline over the past season or two has led to him being classed as a player of the calibre The Spammers or Citeh fancy. I hope if he does go it to somewhere like Fiorentina.

Right, I need some lunch. Anyone cooking anything nice?